This is a story of a woman I knew. I will never mention her name as she was an extremely private person. She died a few years ago but we were friends for about 30 years and we knew everything about each other, an extremely close friendship. What she told me she never told anyone else. She had a sister and the two grew up in a very abusive family. My friend was the younger sister so did not get the full brunt of the abuse. So what was the abuse, exactly? It was abuse of the worst possible kind.
The father of the two girls sexually abused his own daughters but the older sister got the worst of it. My friend suffered acutely and although she managed to survive through life she always had mental health issues but she was able to maintain good friendships due to her good nature. Their father was a vicious man, full of hate and making the family unhappy was his true joy in life. The two sisters never married as they were so seriously damaged they could not conceive of a relationship with a member of the male sex.
The older sister knew she was a lesbian and the younger one used to accompany her to private clubs as lesbianism was not illegal. Homosexuality wasn’t. Men had to be much more careful. The reason why women had it a little easier was because Queen Victoria did not believe that women would do that sort of thing!
The younger sister after a time realised that she was bi-sexual but the elder sister was exclusively lesbian and went out with different girlfriends. They were both teachers so they had to keep their sexuality a secret because it was still considered disgusting in spite of the legality and they had responsibility for children.
Homosexuality was partially legalised in England and Wales in 1967 for men over 21. In Scotland it was 1980. In Northern Ireland it was 1982. In 1970 the general age of consent was lowered from 21 to 18 years. In 2000 it was lowered to 16.
Returning to these 2 sisters, the older sister could not stay near their father at all, even to the point of leaving the country, so she applied for a teaching post in the West Indies. She was successful and moved there. She worked there for 13 years and met the love of her life, another teacher. The two women were incredibly happy until they reached their nineties and died in their sleep.
During that time, the younger sister met different people and had different relationships as a bisexual and then ended up in a comfortable lesbian relationship.
My friend and I were always close. It did not matter that she was gay and I was straight. We loved each other and always told each other the truth.
This was how I discovered the truth about their father. He not only regularly sexually assaulted his daughters when they were young but their mother was put into a mental hospital 3 times and every Christmas was ruined as he set out to make the family miserable. He used to smile while he was doing it.
Their mother helped him with his career and took no credit for it. He was happy to keep the credit for it even though he abused her.
My friend told me how he was abusing her one day, and she ran into the middle of it and protected her mother. She then ran out into the garden and shouted at the top of her voice,”My father is a bastard, my father is a bastard.”
He chased after her and grabbed her by her shoulders, shook her roughly and shouted,”Shut up, shut up, shut up.”
She shouted back, “Now you know how it feels, you fucking bastard.”
As you hear, her family was dangerous and miserable.
The two sisters remained close over the years. My friend visited her sister in the West Indies and had a great time there with her partner and their friends. They even got her onto a private beach and she was served free cocktails and food all day while her sister and partner were working. She had fond memories of her life with them.
This short little story is about a hard yet happy life but I thought it might be of interest to the readers, linking a true life story from a different group of people and how their lives intertwined and how they survived in spite of all their hardships and because of their successes.
I have listened to the story in much more depth over the years and I have learned a great deal from my beloved friend and I have always cherished her.
