Well, let’s assume he is. Anyway, it’s currently quite the mental health problem to have, and sounds far more acceptable than schizophrenia.
Jim is a docile, well-behaved mutt – at home, that is. Obedient, knows his place, wormed, vaccinated, well-versed in etiquette and has been trained to use the downstairs loo. (Ok, so I lie)
But out and about, he’s a loose cannon. I took him out yesterday, setting off from Felinfoel (near the filter beds) and walking all the way down to the beach.
On the way, he picked fights with at least 7 other dogs (all male, I hasten to add, as Jim loves the ladies and would lay down his canine life for a cute bitch).
Sometimes I can spy the target 100m away, and prepare myself for the “Encounter” as my husband and I have started calling them.
Maybe Jim senses the increased tension on the lead, and my anxiety is transmitted thus. The hair on the back of his neck will then rise and his ears prick up. He is ready for action.
I know Cesar Milan (sigh) advises one to be in control, be the pack leader, stay calm, assume authority, but it’s very difficult when the other dog owner doesn’t bother to put their dog on the lead and shouts gaily at you “Don’t worry, mine’s all right.”
Well mine bloody well isn’t!
Jim nice but dim nearly pulls my arm out of its socket in his desire to have-a-go at the offending dog, barking his head off all the while. Sweat pouring from my brow, I wrench Jim away, exhausted (Who needs to use dumbells, just take Sir Barkalot for a walk).
This happened repeatedly yesterday. I tried to fool him on one occasion, (as advised by Victoria Stillwell) and made funny little whimpering noises, telling Jim it was a bitch not a dog.
He went along with this for a while, and started whimpering as well, and wiggling his bottom, then of course he either detected the maleness of the approaching hound by scent or by the fact that the other dog, was, well, hung like a donkey!
I also know that if I turn around and sprint in the other direction, my daft, insecure dog will abandon the fight and race after me, desperate not to lose his mammy.
Things deteriorated dramatically in Station Road. I stopped to talk to a local businessman and his wife just outside their premises, as they were taking some rubbish out in a big black bag.
Jim loves rubbish bags and was quite content to sit whilst we spoke. There could have been something nice for him in the bag, you see.
Then, oh my God, I could hardly believe my eyes.
Worse case scenario!
A rogue, loose, very-much-male bull terrier was strutting belligerently along the road. Alone, unsupervised and heading for us.
Mr Local-Businessman (Mr LB) didn’t realise at first what was going to happen. I started to mumble something along the lines of “ohmygodjimsgoingtogonuts” and I could feel the panic rising like a tsunami within me.
Mr LB said “Quick, come in for a second” and opened his door to let me and Jim inside.
Bad move. Danger Dog decided that the invitation included him as well, and shoved his way in!!!
Bedlam!
Both dogs were racing around the small reception area, getting tangled up in Jim’s lead, barking, snarling. Mr LB desperately tried to evict Danger Dog but it was no easy matter as the hound was not going to give up that easily.
In his total panic (Jim now realised he was not going to win this fight) he jumped up onto a pretty little sofa, then off again maybe thinking it would give him some leverage in sorting the unwelcome guest out.
It was like a scene from The Exorcist, two hyped-up hounds hell-bent on carnage, thrashing and crashing around the furniture but with a touch of the Benny Hill scene about it as well.
I was mortified, but very relieved when Mr LB managed to open the door, and remove Danger Dog from his reception area.
I needed sedation.
Gradually everything calmed down. DangerDog disappeared into the sunset, never to be seen again, probably off home to his owner, to be welcomed by a kick or worse.
I am eternally grateful to Mr LB. He was very brave in addressing a potentially dangerous situation!
I got home in record time, not wishing a repeat performance.
Basically, unless your dog is small, a bitch, superbly controlled, then give us a wide berth, especially on the cycle track, and especially so if your dog is a red setter, boxer or spaniel. Jim has a complete aversion to them!
He slept well that afternoon!
To read more of Sonia’s work, visit https://ladiesversed.blogspot.com/
