I was born in 1958 in Llanelli, Carmarthenshire, in Cymru, as Lisa Julie Davies. But I changed my name to ‘Rhian’ in the late eighties, due to my great love of old Cymreig names. I lived in Llanelli from 0 to 5 years, and – like so many people, I remember very little of those years, as I was under 5.
What I can remember isn’t pleasant, it points to me not getting on with my family, or in school. So I think those memories are best buried. I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and Fibromyalgia and M.E in 2010, so I guess these conditions explain my difficulties as a child, in retrospect.
Although I do have a lot of very good memories of Llanelli, after 5 years of age, because we were always visiting my wonderful grandfather every summer, all through my childhood. I suspected my grand-father knew Cymraeg, because he had a kinder, wiser, more intelligent, educated – and, most importantly, friendly way about him, and I thought it came from his Welsh-speaking mother or parents, whom I never met.
I noticed another way the Cymraeg-speakers were very different to the English speakers I met in Llanelli. Most of the English-speakers I met, seemed to me to be an embarrassment, their identity seemed to be very stubbornly: chain-smoking; drinking; playing bingo and voting Labour, and they were not the slightest bit interested in education or culture!?
I loved the atmosphere of Llanelli in those days. I remember how still the air would feel when the tide was out, creating a unique atmosphere, I’ve never experienced anywhere else. And how much fresher the air felt when the tide was in, and afterwards, bringing all that oxygenation (fresh air) with it! I loved the bustling town centre, and the lovely indoor market, which seemed to have coloured light coming through the ceiling – which fell on the fruit and vegetables, beautifying them.
I loved all the chapels in Llanelli town centre. They were such a comforting presence, I loved the basic shape, and they came in so many different sizes, and they had beautiful patterns on them, (architectural features). Compared to the larger, overbearing English churches with their tall, sinister, sharp, pointy spires. It’s rude to point, isn’t it?! I loved that you could hear the sea-gulls and get fresh-air while you were shopping! And it was so peaceful and calm in Llanelli town centre in the evenings, when the sun was slowly sinking and setting.
I was fascinated by so many of the Llanelli women, by their beautiful soft skin. I also noticed this about my mother, she had such soft skin when I kissed her cheek at night before bed. And I noticed the gentle Madonna-esque way so many of the Llanelli women tilted their heads when they spoke to me.
The prettier women seemed to be just accepted in the town without any fuss. And I noticed the way so many people I met seemed much kinder to children, making a point of listening to them, including my grand-father and his second wife. I loved the way the Cymraeg-speakers honked their car horns at their friends when driving around Llanelli – such friendly and communicating people.
One thing I could not wait to do when I came home to Llanelli, was wash my hair, because it became softer and shone more, because of the beautiful soft water. And I loved to wash my clothes, because – they also – felt so much softer. Really there is so much softness in Cymru – the sea, which takes ages to come creeping into Llanelli estuary, like a tortoise, due to some of the longest tidal reaches in the world. And I love the softening way there are so many trees and parcs in Llanelli town centre.
One of the most magical things about Cymru is the language – Cymraeg, with so many softening, musical mutations. And the wonderful creativity of Cymraeg, with its rare sentence-structure (Verb, Subject, Object), which to me is worth its weight in Gold, when you compare it to English’s sentence-structure (Subject, Verb, Object), which has a worth more like Tin, compared to the Gold that Cymraeg is, to me.
And of course the best softness of all about Cymru is the amazing empathy from so many people here, their understanding of suffering. I am interested in the History of Llanelli, set in the wider context of Cymru, coupled with the history of Cymraeg. I plan to start researching in the library, which I think will be a fascinating journey.
At 64, I’ve been learning Cymraeg for several years now – and I am in my serenity – enjoying its softness and unique creativity – Cymraeg is Art you see, pure Art!
Although I can of course clearly see that the town has become run-down – with so many empty shops. And, of course, I know there is a drug problem and a high crime-rate. But I know the local people will overcome these problems, and I have always known that Cymru was – still is – and always will be – a wonderful, fulfilling life! Am byth!
By a Knowit (not a poet!) ‘Helvetia Chaosa’.
